Microsoft...eBay...bastards all...

Bill fucking Gates.

He's a geek with the biggest pockets of any fucker in the world. He can afford to pay all those girls who wouldn't give him a glance in high school to come and suck his diamond studded penis into next week if he wants. He does a lot of work for charity. And his company makes shit software.

Or, rather, his company makes shit software that you're not allowed to re-sell. Even if it's perfectly legitimate, genuine software.

See, I was trying to sell a perfectly legal copy of Office 97 on eBay, but Microsoft had it pulled and my account suspended. "No problem," I thought, "It's genuine, and I'm perfectly within my rights to sell such an item." I supplied photographic evidence to Microsoft of the product, making sure I got the exact pictures they wanted.

And the reply?

Thank you for taking the time to forward these images. Unfortunately, based on the photographs you provided our analysts have concluded that you have received counterfeit reproduction components. Counterfeit manufacturers have been able to create software components that are deceptively similar to Microsoft software. By duplicating the appearance of Microsoft's trademarked designs, and copying the software program onto the components, counterfeiters are able to deceive customers into believing the components they are distributing are authentic Microsoft. However, while they are able to recreate the general appearance of the software, counterfeiters commonly make mistakes in the finer details of the design of the text and logos printed on the disc and the jewelcase liners. Comparing your photographs to known genuine standards, our investigators noted a number of errors, leading to the conclusion that these components are not authentic Microsoft.

Oh, really? Well, slap my fucking thigh and call me Jeremy, because if it's a fake, then it's the shitting Mona Lisa of fakes! I mean, it even has it's own unique serial code on the back of the box! Jesus, these counterfeiters are really hot fucking shit at what they do! With skills like that, they could be making a legitimate living and be the new fucking Bill Gates! Hell, they could probably afford to have Bill Gates come over and fuck them!
So, the lesson, kiddies, is this: don't try and sell genuine Microsoft software to anyone anywhere, because Microsoft don't want you making any money from their substandard work.