Self Definition

Its probably stupid, but Im a believer in naming yourself as what you are: if you sculpt in your spare time, youre an artist, if you play in a band on the weekends, youre a musician. Its a simple philosophy, admittedly, but simple generally works best, I find.

Writings become such a big part of my life, to the point where its how I define who and what I am. Yes, I have a day job, but thats all about the money: I clock in, I clock out, end of. The writing thing, though, is what I hang all my hopes and dreams on. I know my stuff isnt to every ones tastes, and I know that people will actively slag it off, but for all of those people, theres enough people out there wholl support me and encourage me.

People I know in the real world accuse me of taking things in life too seriously, but when you feel so passionately about something, when youre prepared to sacrifice anything to get what you want, arent you allowed to be serious?
Ive worked hard at this whole writing thing. Ive practiced and honed down whatever skills I may (or may not possess); Ive read, Ive learned, Ive written, but I still feel like Ive got a long way to go. To me, its a constantly evolving thing, and, because of my personality, its something I feel Ill never be great at good, maybe (with a lot more work), but never great.

Theres times, though, when I feel like I can take on the world, whether it be with text stories, comic scripts or just good old fashioned blogs. When those times are here, I feel like I can be the new Alan Moore, or churn out a critically acclaimed bestseller before teatime; I can throw ideas around like confetti, and figure out intricate character details and story concepts.

Then, there are other times when I look back at stuff Ive written, and I immediately think its shit. I feel like Im trying to fool myself into believing something thats so blatantly untrue, and Im never going to realise my dreams, simply because I dont possess the talent. When that happens, my mind empties, and I cant write anything. If I do manage to squeeze something out, I immediately re-write it to the nth degree, or just dump it completely.

When I hit that kind of low, its difficult to get out of it; I generally have to force myself, but it gets harder and harder each time. I keep wondering if Im wasting my time with it all, or whether Im just hanging on to some unobtainable goal, simply because Ive held on to it and used it to define myself for so long.


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