Absolute Justice

Following on from Bryan Coyle's scathing review of the much hyped Absolute Justice episode of Smallville, I thought I'd actually watch it and see if it was as bad as he reckons...



I'll admit, anything that starts with a bloke who looks like Patrick Swayze's brother turning up out of nowhere as the ageing Star Spangled Kid, trying to be Jack Knight complete with a staff that looks like it's escaped from an old Doug McClure movie and his own star-spangled mobile is going to get a watch (I assume they couldn't get the real Don Swayze to step in and play the role).

The writing is pretty much what you'd expect from Geoff Johns: no subtlety, but plenty of angst and a lot of references to things that only fans of DC Comics will get (his rather amazing comic book recap about The Secret City of Kandor and How John Jones Helped People By Becoming A Police Detective is rather good - and I mean amazing as in "amazingly clunky"). The first ten minutes pretty much sets the tone for the episode, with some terrible acting from the would-be Star Girl, portrayed by an actress who is clearly 10 years older than the character she's playing. And this is before we actually see the fucking awful sub-par cosplay costumes they make the JSA wear. Those, I shall get to in a minute...

Unsurprisingly, the characters soon fall into the usual TV tropes - displayed clearly with Hawkman and Dr. Fate. It's interesting to note that the version of Dr Fate used here appears to be based on the recent Steve Gerber version, but, rather than the emotionally troubled Kent Nelson that Gerber gave us, we get a Generic Mad Person. This is down to either Johns' lack of subtlety (hey, Dr Fate talks about people's fate!), or it's TV's usual desire to use simple, cardboard cut out characterisations (check out tough guy Hawkman - we can tell he's tough because he wears a leather jacket and doesn't shave). Personally, I think it's both. And, keeping with the usual TV Way Of Doing Things, the "Old Men" of the Justice Society all look as if they're in their mid-thirties, rather than their fifties or sixties - which you'd expect them to be, given the time frame that's been imposed on the episode.

With Geoff Johns, you can pretty much guess where he's going to take a plotline, and this is no different. It pretty much screams the twists in your face long before they even arrive. Of course, this may be a thing with Smallville, I don't know; I haven't watched the show since the first season, largely because it was dull as hell.

Special mention has to go to the villain of the piece: Mr Freeze The Icicle, who likes to make big, phallic looking icicles and then stab people with them, all the time reciting lines from the awful Batman & Robin film that we'd all but forgotten about. Or tried to. It's not helped by the fact that The Icicle actually looks like Arnie in that film - or more accurately, Ron Howard looks as if he's dressed as Mr Freeze.

As for the costumes... I mean, take a look at them for yourself. Go on. Hawkman looks as if he's borrowed his costume from Brian Blessed in Flash Gordon (don't get me started on how weedy he looks!), and the less said about Star Girl's outfit the better. I mean, really, guys? Really?

I should try and find something nice to say about this episode, so...um... Alison Mack has a really cute smile. Oh, and Pam Grier as Amanda Waller (although surely CCH Pounder would've been the more logical choice).

All in all, though, if this is the best that TV can do for superhero shows, then the genre is in trouble...