"THE BEES!!"

Normally, I wouldn't waste my time writing about the piece of visual excrement that is The Wicker Man remake, but I finally watched it on TV during the week, and... Well, it's not as bad as I'd been led to believe, but it is just so mind numbingly dull, which is more of a crime in my book.

Whereas the original Robin Hardy film was an almost surreal, ethereal film loaded with atmosphere and first rate performances from the cast (especially the late Edward Woodward), that pitted differing religious ideologies against each other, the 2006 remake is all about Nicholas Cage's shockingly white teeth.

And punching women...




Knowing that director Neil Labute also did In The Company Of Men, you can kind of draw all sorts of conclusions about his alleged misogyny if you were so inclined. But I'm not, so I won't.

The above video literally showcases all the best bits of the film, though. Literally. Until the last 30 minutes or so, it's an unrelentingly dull piece of cinema with a central performance from Nicholas Cage that can only ever be described as subtle if you had no idea of what subtle actually was. For about 10 minutes of that last half hour, it just turns into a massive festival of campness that has to be seen to be believed. But at least they kept the ending the same, though. Even though it was stripped of it's power.

It's another case of Hollywood taking something original and unique and forcing it into one of their accepted formulas because it's the only way they know how to do it.

That said, there's one genre that I wish they had forced the remake into...





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